Handing in my Man Card

Mark Connelly

It felt good to confess from the stage today that I have no idea how to cook food on a grill. I know I’m supposed to be able to, being a man and all, but I never learned how!

I thought I’d keep going with this confession thing. Here are a whole bunch of other things I can’t do that “men” are supposed to be able to do:

Cook. I have no idea how to cook a steak. If it doesn’t boil or go in the microwave then forget it.

Change my own oil. I think I did it when I was a Webelo once, but ever since then I’ve paid someone to do it.

Change a flat tire. I think I can, but you better not ask me to.

Jump start a car. Is it the red one with the blue one? Is there a blue one? You might want to call AAA.

Household repairs. I have no idea how to fix sinks, toilets, ovens, wobbly tables, broken garage doors, or anything like that.

Landscaping. I can’t plant grass, plant flowers, set up sprinklers, trim foliage, or anything like that.

Dance. Nothing in me wants to move my body to the music, fast or slow. (Exception: mosh pits in the late 90’s).

Whistle really loud without using my fingers. But I can whistle really loud with them.How do guys do it without them? So cool.

Find my way without a map. I use a map every day. Thank you Google.

Hmm… there’s got to be more than this, but this is a good start!

I’ve handed in my Man Card.

What about you? What are you supposed to be able to do that you can’t?

22 thoughts on “Handing in my Man Card”

  1. I love your honesty babe! And I think you are a manly stud despite all these things 🙂 Seeing how you lost your dad early on and didn’t have anyone to teach you a lot of these things, I think you turned out pretty darn good! Love you!

  2. To answer your question:

    I can’t really cook very well. I can follow a recipe, but that’s about it.

    I’m not super creative and crafty…like with sewing, or scrapbooking, or decorating, or clothing, or anything of those sorts.

    Ew, those things are so stereotypical but I can’t really think of anything else! Ha!

  3. I thought I burned all those photos. You’re a hoot. Btw, I can teach you to do all those things hahaha.

  4. No joke, I can seriously do all of those things except dance. My man card is safely intact. If u ever need help grilling or changing your oil, let me know.

  5. I’m pretty sure I’ve done everything on that list, but I’m not really good at any of them. You can always “fake it ’til you make it” – or until you give someone salmonella poisoning because you undercooked some meat.

    I really enjoy when you lead the services at Mission. Today’s message was awesome.

  6. Dude…I can totally bust a move. But I can’t do plumbing cuz it makes me cuss. I can’t do electrical work cuz I’m chicken. I can’t work on my car unless that means setting my office on my car.
    But dance…ummm….yah…I’m sort of a big deal

  7. Ryan,

    I can do all those things you mentioned… but I could care less about sports. That’s the biggest man card violation of all. I’ve been faking it for years however.

  8. Ryan,
    I can’t dance, which may be the reason Bonnie married me, since she hates to dance. I can change my oil, but I pay people to do it also, because every time I try to work on my car I have extra parts leftover, so that can’t be manly.
    Jessica challenged me to a whistling contest and I beat, does that make me manly? I don’t know. Daryl

  9. Linds, you’ve got crazy scrapbooking skills… what are you talking about?

    Thanks Jared!

    Ben, I appreciate your honesty. You should probably stop living a lie 😉

    Daryl my wife LOVES to dance, which is why I’m not sure how we ended up married. I danced the slow songs at our wedding and then figured out a way to avoid the dance floor for the other 4 hours.

  10. there a lots! but the the ranking two are hair and make-up. I WISH I knew how to do my own hair and make-up hahaa…I can count the number of time I’ve worn eye shadow on one hand and it was for a special occasions and I had to have friends help me. Oh the shame! haha

  11. i love this ryan!
    i am fairly girly and domestic so i guess i fit most of the wifey stereotypes. although i love love love watching sports which isn’t so feminine.
    as for my husband, he may be on the skinny and shorter than most manly men side but he can do all those things you listed! and since he is latin he has permission to know how to shake his booty, right? not so manly is i have to trim his ginormous eyebrows. although i guess being hairy is another manly trait. ha!

  12. Amaris, girls shouldn’t wear any makeup, so… you’re ahead of the game.

    Nicky, I trim my eyebrows about once a week, otherwise I start looking like Oscar the Grouch!

  13. Clarification: I tell my wife Lindsay all the time that she doesn’t NEED to wear makeup, that I like her face just the way it is. I also like her face with makeup. So, in conclusion, women/girls can wear makeup if they want. After all, I trim my eyebrows.

    I’ve had lots of medication today.

  14. PS – I do electrical, landscaping, jumpstart cars (13 years in Minnesota!), change oil, and change flat tires… Pretty good for an old guy.

  15. great post, Ryan!-found your site through Tyler’s.

    I have all of these down, sans dancing. Also, I prefer to find my way without a map. The map would make it a much quicker process, however….

    So, my man card would have restrictions on it, like a low-vision driver. 🙂

  16. Mike, will you be my daddy?

    Tyler, welcome to the club amigo.

    Josh, you’re either in or your out, and since you used the smiley face you’re out (not manly at all).

  17. I understand the smiley comment, but until you can at least change your oil and a flat tire, I believe I still have full man-card privileges…

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