Handing in my Man Card

Mark Connelly

It felt good to confess from the stage today that I have no idea how to cook food on a grill. I know I’m supposed to be able to, being a man and all, but I never learned how!

I thought I’d keep going with this confession thing. Here are a whole bunch of other things I can’t do that “men” are supposed to be able to do:

Cook. I have no idea how to cook a steak. If it doesn’t boil or go in the microwave then forget it.

Change my own oil. I think I did it when I was a Webelo once, but ever since then I’ve paid someone to do it.

Change a flat tire. I think I can, but you better not ask me to.

Jump start a car. Is it the red one with the blue one? Is there a blue one? You might want to call AAA.

Household repairs. I have no idea how to fix sinks, toilets, ovens, wobbly tables, broken garage doors, or anything like that.

Landscaping. I can’t plant grass, plant flowers, set up sprinklers, trim foliage, or anything like that.

Dance. Nothing in me wants to move my body to the music, fast or slow. (Exception: mosh pits in the late 90’s).

Whistle really loud without using my fingers. But I can whistle really loud with them.How do guys do it without them? So cool.

Find my way without a map. I use a map every day. Thank you Google.

Hmm… there’s got to be more than this, but this is a good start!

I’ve handed in my Man Card.

What about you? What are you supposed to be able to do that you can’t?