the stinky kid in class

ryan guardWanna hear something sad?

In the 4th grade I was the stinky kid in class.

But Ryan, you smell so nice now. How were you ever the stinky kid?”

I’m glad you asked.

You see, my dad lost his job that year so we had to move in with his sister. At that time there were five people living in that two-bedroom house (not including my dad, my brother, and me who were about to move in).

But the stinky part wasn’t because there were so many people.

There were something like 27 cats and 17 dogs that also lived in that house. No lie. Oh and a bird, a turtle, and lots of mice. I accidentally murdered that bird, but that’s a story for another post. Actually no, it’s kinda funny so here we go:

I was in charge of talking to the bird for like 5 days while my aunt was out of town… it needed company or it got lonely. She was convinced it would die if it wasn’t talked to. This pigeon (yep… a pet pigeon) got SO EXCITED every time I went in there!! It would start freaking out and flying around it’s little cage. I kinda forgot to go in and talk to it for a couple of days and… I went in to say hello a few days later and right when I opened the door to the laundry room where it lived it started flapping its wings frantically- and then I think it had a seizure because it just dropped dead onto the bottom of the cage. OOPS!

But anyways, there wasn’t a shower in the house, just a bathtub… but the tub was usually clogged up because of the cat/dog/people hair.

So I went to school and stunk. There was nothing I could do about it. I considered showing up early to class and spraying Lysol above my head before everyone got there. Seriously.

They signed me up for the special hygiene class. I would go to the nurse and she’d teach like six of us how to use a toothbrush or put on deodorant. It was no use explaing to her that I brushed my teeth every day AND wore deodorant.

We eventually moved out of that house and everything turned out ok. I would drench myself with Obsession and Cool Water cologne like every other dork so I could fit in.

What kind of baggage do you have? What deep, dark secrets from your past do you need to air out? Were you the stinky kid too? Did you eat your boogies?

Let it out in the comments. Free therapy 🙂