So… you see that credit card and that debit card, and that cash, and the Target gift card, and the Costco gift card… and you think, “I like gift cards, and this poor sucker probably doesn’t even need them.”
You’re probably wondering why I have a “Get Out of Jail Free” card in my wallet… well, it’s because it worked once! I got pulled over for speeding, and when the officer asked if I knew why he pulled me over, I handed him that card and said, “This should take care of everything.” He laughed, and guess who didn’t get a ticket or go to jail… THIS GUY. So that card is my lucky card. I need it back. Give me my card, wallet finder guy.
Here’s a picture of my son! His 9th birthday is in 9 days. If you take my money away, you’re basically taking away a 9-year-old’s happiness. Look at that face. All he wants is a birthday party with his friends… Do you want to be a guy who steals birthday parties from kids? You’re better than that, wallet finder guy.
Do you have any friends, wallet finder guy? I’ll be your friend. I’ll tell ya what- if you return my wallet, I’ll be in your Facebook, Instagram and Twitter friend. I’ll like all of your posts- even the ones that aren’t funny or meaningful or helpful in any way. Even those.
So, shoot me a message and let me know when we can connect. I’ll come to you. Do the right thing, wallet finder guy. Or I will find you…. and I will hur… wait, sorry, this almost went south. I hope you’re having a great day! I also hope you have a conscience. Ok, talk soon!