3 Years Ago Today

Lindsay had a miscarriage three years ago today. We knew it was coming, but we had no idea how painful it would be.

Lindsay started experiencing a lot of physical pain that Saturday afternoon. We knew it was time to head to the hospital. I don’t know why I didn’t just call an ambulance… I felt like I could get there faster. I think I was right. I probably hit 140 down the I-5 in California, weaving in and out of traffic on my way there. For some reason I was worried that things would go really wrong and I’d lose her too. She was hurting bad… worse pain than I’d ever seen anyone experience.

The doctors and nurses at that hospital were the most inconsiderate monsters I’ve ever met. I can’t remember the name of the hospital, otherwise I’d post it so that you never, ever go there. Ever. My wife and I were going through hell (mostly my wife at this moment), and they acted like we were invisible. Even Jesus would have flipped some tables in that place.

OK so here’s the crazy thing…

I had already agreed to speak at a Winter Camp the following weekend. For some reason Lindsay and I decided that I should still do it. She insisted that she’d be OK and that I should go. Honestly, I had no desire to go, but my sermons were already prepared and the guy who asked me to come was a good friend, so I went.

We adopted Griffin last year. He’s the greatest gift ever. I can’t imagine my life without him. All that gushy stuff…

His birth parents were in the crowd at that camp. So, the same week that Lindsay has a miscarriage, I’m speaking to hundreds of students at a camp, two of which will change our lives forever.

Seriously, God?

I don’t always understand what God is doing, or isn’t doing, or why He is or isn’t doing things… but I know enough about Him that I can trust Him. I don’t know why we lost that baby. Maybe there isn’t a reason. Maybe our bodies are just broken bodies that lose babies. Honestly, I don’t like any of the answers I’ve ever heard as to why miscarriages happen… even the theologically sound ones. I just know that it sucked, but that God was behind the scenes that week, orchestrating a future for Lindsay and I that we could have never imagined.

I wish the miscarriage never happened. I wish we had a two-year-old AND Griffin. But I love Griffin, I love Lindsay and I trust God because of His great love for us.