Does the Guinness Book of World Records track fertility? Not like “Hey, my corn’s growing good this year” fertility… I mean the baby-making kind. Because if they do, Gilbert has got to be the most fertile city in the Universe. I can’t remember if you’re supposed to capitalize universe. Anyways
We just got back from the mall, and I’m pretty sure everyone there had a baby. Employees working had babies. Janitors had babies. The guy who scooped my orange chicken onto my plate was holding a baby. Even babies had babies. We turned one corner and there were babies literally wall to wall. It looked like someone opened a huge box of happy babies and poured em out right before we turned the corner. And every one of them was adorable… like fictional adorable. I know that real babies poop and cry and poop, but none of these babies did. They all had Baby Gap outfits on and were chasing butterflies while singing about Jesus. Singing quietly and on key.
Then we went to Pottery Barn Kids, and they literally had babies swinging from ropes. None of them were crying… all of them looked like little baby models. They weren’t all white babies, it was like a rainbow of babies. We saw two babies that were obviously adopted (or she’s got some SPLAININ TO DO!). Adoptions and babies were everywhere.
And all we see is babies.
I like what it’s doing to my soul.