I was 17 years old. I had run away from home. I was staying with some cousins after being kicked out of two friends’ houses for being really disrespectful to them and their parents.
I was hanging out at Fashion Square Mall in Scottsdale in a music store on February 13th, 1996. I looked around, the coast was clear, so I stole a Wu-Tang Clan cd. I went back to my cousins’ house to listen to it. I had a stereo with two 12″, two 10″ and two 8″ speakers set up in my room, which made me the perfect house guest. The Drunk Student Crossing and huge pot leaf posters hanging on my walls were a nice touch too.
The music was playing when the phone rang. It was my cousin Lois, she was sobbing. My dad had died. They eventually said it was due to “cardiac arrest”, but we knew that it was actually due to 25+ years of heavy drinking, smoking, and a brutal last few years of life.
His death was my entrance into a life of even more anger, addiction, and darkness.
But it all led me to this place… to a completely new life.
That was a dark, dark day. Walking in and seeing him there lying on the ground in the trailer he had been borrowing. I couldn’t zoom out and see what God was up to. I had no idea. Nothing made sense.
If it wasn’t for that day, I wouldn’t be who I am. I know that for a fact. And for that reason, I’m grateful for it. I don’t like saying that since I would love to have my dad in my life. But I know that I’ll see him again. I can see how it all worked out now, 14 years later…
It’s this story that helps me to trust God at those times when nothing makes sense. When life hurts, I know from experience that God heals. He doesn’t waste pain. It sounds a little bit cliche, but it’s my story!
I hope this gives you some peace today.
God has already started making all things new. Even when you can’t see it.
5 thoughts on “14 years ago today.”
powerful stuff man! so sorry for your loss, but so thankful for your gain!! love who you are continuing to become. i’m a proud friend of yours bro!
wow ryan. thank you for sharing this. i so needed to read this tonight.
Blog comments are so sparse days. Everyone says something on Facebook.
Amazing. I recall when you first preached at CS some 4-5 years ago (the Escape series I think) and talked about your Dad. And then when you blogged about how you were living with your cousins, too… incredible stuff. I’m sorry it all had to work out that tough way, but I’m glad God was able to use it to make you who you now are, Bro!
wow man.. awesome post. i totally know where you are at when you wrote this. I can relate