I’m not sure what to do with the discontentment I’m dealing with. I don’t want to call it discontentment because, well… I’m HAPPY, but no other word seems to fit.

I love my wife, I love my job, I love my friends… but I’m constantly burdened by something I can’t put my finger on.

I couldn’t care less about most of the nonsense that most people get excited about. I just don’t care about money or houses or cars or my reputation or any of that garbage.

I don’t want to be Rob Bell. I’m definitely not Dane Cook. There are probably a million better husbands than me. And my youth group isn’t the biggest one in the neighborhood.

But I  love God. I love to read and learn and sit quietly enjoying what I assume to be God’s presence.

But I hate how much hurt there is in the world.I just can’t ignore it. And I’m not doing much about it.

I have a hard time focusing on anything else when there’s so much hurt, and hunger, and thirst, and brokenness in the world.

I’m convinced that high school students can flip the world upside down. I love watching God take over in the life of a teenager who has said YES to a surrendered life. I don’t want to settle or short-sell my students or myself. I’m a high school pastor because I believe these things, and I feel God pulling me towards these kids.

I feel like maybe my dreams have been too small, so… I need my imagination back.

2 thoughts on “wrestling”

  1. You should write a blog post about it… it always helps me feel better.

    Also, its “I could NOT care less” not “I could care less” that doesn’t even make sense. 🙂

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